My beloved grandma

I was so sick worried about her. I was in Jb last week and visited her. She was fine. She was happy, ecstatic to see me. Last i saw her during Raya. In October.. Erk..

The f0ll0wing M0nday, mamyta rang me but i couldnt attend th0se calls coz i was working. After work, rang my mamyta and my heartbeat st0pped.. My grandma was admitted to PSH Jb. OH MY G0D! I started panicking. I cant go back immediately. Goddamnit~

She was diagn0sed with min0r heart attack. This is n0t happening to me n0w! N0 n0 n0... My parents t0ok her to the h0spital at 0nce. She refused at first to be sent to PSH Jb. After c0nvincing her that the c0nditi0n was bad and could lead to fatal, she agreed. Ever since, i rang mamyta everyday to get update on her c0nditi0ns. After finalize the diagn0sis, her lung was infected and lead to pneum0nia. As a diabetic patient, her sugar level has reached 30. OMG!! Even bl0od pressure drastically risen up 220/... Damn..

Finally, she was released fr0m h0spital yesterday. I was delighted to hear it. I rang her and our c0nversati0ns leading to tears. She was s0bbing. Cryin her lungs out. She was so sad+devastated with her children who are n0t there f0r her when she needed them the m0st. The s0n that she has always love the m0st, refused to pay f0r her h0spital bill. What the fuck? Grandma never asked! But, d0nt u have courtesy to offer?? Instead, my dad, the 0ne that u always thr0w nasty words, did c0ntribute 2k for the bills. Shes n0t his m0ther, f0r g0dsake!

The Mr. HE, who has always brag about his fucking salary 17k+ m0nthly, cant pay f0r his own m0ther bills?! I am pissed off! But what can i do? And who the hell is me, to judge?

I do feel bad. But, am h0peless myself! I wished if i had the m0ney+vim+etc, to supp0rt her in any ways.

Grandma,
Be str0ng! I kn0w, that deep inside u, u kn0w, im always there f0r u, in any kind of weather, within my reach... If 0nly i c0uld do s0mething ab0ut it, i would be the joyest pers0n ever... The love u have sh0wered me throughout vissicitudes, since the day i was b0rn, the day u br0ught me up, and up to t0day, u never st0p loving me. Even how fucked up my life was, u still accept me with arms wide open. I wished, my grandpa was still here t0day. Losing him 0n 8th March 08, it was the greatest lost i ever had. Until t0day, am n0t over it. In denial.. Keep it that way! 0nly me understand all the feelin that trippin inside me..

Grandpa,
I have missed u so much til i couldnt shed anym0re tears. Why u leave so early? I did ask u to wait f0r me when i left to Shah Alam to settle my studies matter. U never waited f0r me,grandpa... I was away f0r a day 0NLY.. And 0n the next day, i got a ph0ne call sayin u are g0ne, in y0ur sleep.. Is it fair to me? I wished i never left u there. F0r two m0nths i was l0okin after u at the h0spital, a day i was away, u had leave me f0rever... How should i take it? How? How?